Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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