Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
