we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
