Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
