if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
