i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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