why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
