so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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