i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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