I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize