Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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