im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
