I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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