whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
