Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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