He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
