Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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