In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
