I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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