omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
This toilet bowl is my home.
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