You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Is Oprah even human
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
