I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Small penises have feelings too.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
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