How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
