So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
