There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
