OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize