is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
