You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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