so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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