What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
