Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just want to make out with him forever
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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