i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
