I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
