Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize