I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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