i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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