Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
