Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
