U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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