I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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