now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
