He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
