He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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