I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
