im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
