is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
