weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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