Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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