the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
