I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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