I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize