Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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