that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
