You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
