nut hugger
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Be still, my beating vagina.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize