She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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