life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
