Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
