he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
