i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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