I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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