Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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