Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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