I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
