Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
