My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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