last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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