Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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