And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
