Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
