the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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