don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
