Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
