I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
