i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize